FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – In life, as in sports, there are lots of highs and lows. And while sometimes it can be hard to come out on the other side, it’s all about learning to stay balanced. The hard times can be tough to weather, yet they’re often the experiences that shape us the most.
For Ethan Kohler, the dark moments didn’t just test him, they made him who he is today. At just 18 years old, the California native left home and moved across the world to pursue his dream of playing professional soccer. He signed with German Bundesliga side SV Werder Bremen and lived alone for the first time in a country where everything felt unfamiliar. It wasn’t easy, he admits. In fact, it became one of the biggest mental challenges he has ever faced, but it made him stronger.
“The reasons for me not being comfortable outside the pitch were the reasons for me not being comfortable on the pitch. Such as, not speaking the language. Culturally, I felt very different. I felt somewhat alienated,” Kohler explained. “When you go through something like that, where you need a lot of mental fortitude, it only makes the challenges coming up a lot easier. I think what's most important is to use those moments to grow, and not just grow without thinking, but have a plan of, ‘okay, this is how I grew,’ so that when you run into an obstacle again, you can continue to use those same patterns.”
Kohler had turned down his commitment to Stanford to take a chance at going pro, and that decision stayed with him as he tried to adjust to life more than 5,000 miles from home. The pressure of proving himself as a young player was already intense, and the added weight of knowing he had taken a major risk made the adjustment even harder. Still, over time, he learned how to manage it.
“I was so committed to making it work to the point where it was detrimental to my own success,” he said. “You can't succeed if you're always living out the lows and living out the highs. What I learned is when you're in a high, amazing, enjoy it, but try and keep yourself mentally in the middle. When you're at a low, realize that lows happen. It is what it is and eventually a high will come again, if you just stay in the middle and keep doing the things that work for you.”
What ultimately helped him find that balance was stepping outside the game – leaning on family, building friendships, and rediscovering the things he loved off the pitch.
“Initially, I was living in the stadium, so there wasn't much opportunity for doing other things, because you leave the building, and you run into the sporting director, the staff or players, so you felt like you were so in it that there wasn't really an escape. Eventually, when I moved out, I would cook and that was my way of forgetting about football and I would use it as a social vehicle to have friends over,” Kohler said. “And a lot of it revolved around having a great mom and dad and calling them for support. I knew that I had something I could fall back on when times got tough. Then I was able to work myself out of it and start to eventually enjoy it.”
While Kohler, now 21, can look back on his experience overseas with gratitude – for the soccer played, the experiences gained both on and off the field, the people he met along the way, and the impact it had on where he is today – he’s grateful to have more confidence in taking adversity in stride.
As he’s settled back into life stateside with the New England Revolution, Kohler has felt the difference every day. The transition has shown him just how much he’s grown since taking that leap at 18, and what it means to feel grounded again. In the Revolution locker room, he’s surrounded by a familiar culture and a support system that’s close enough to touch.
“It's important to find people you trust, people you love, people that love you. To open up and to talk, because those people want to support you,” Kohler explained. “Everybody goes through it. Everybody has their problems. And I think the more comfortable you are speaking about it, the more comfortable people feel living it.”
